The Gospel According to Delia Smith (part 1)

In the beginning there was the turkey


and it was without form and void (so it got stuffed - with Tesco's best Christmas chestnut at one end and sage and onion at the other, and then buttered and covered in bacon rashers), and it was put into the oven at 170 degrees Celsius and it was good. The first half hour of the day.


Then, behold, there were potatoes (small, young, Maris Pipers, promising yellow flesh when cooked) and these small tubors were peeled, chopped into small pieces and submerged; a firmament in the midst of the waters: and it was so. The second half hour.



Then a Hodmandod said, Let the Brussel Sprouts be brought forth from the garage so they, with the carrots, may be gathered into one place (which shall henceforth be called the steamer); and it was so and it was good also. The third half hour of the day.

Then the sprouts each yielded outer leaves of its kind, and marked with a cross and the carrots a curling peel and this was carried to the compost bin that is at the bottom of the garden and there attracted many moving creatures: small pink worms, woodlice and also a dozy frog and all of these no doubt will multiply after their kind. And although this did not all happen in the fourth half hour it did start then and it was good.


Then the coffee was made and the chocolate box brought forth and even though it was only the fifth half hour, and the work not yet finished it was time to rest


and admire the leather-bound hand-made paper bought by the Hodmandod Major (who is one of my better creations) although he is more the image of Hodmandod Senior for whom he bought this Crook's Radiometer which goes round and round when bombarded by photons from the sun


which is where all this (and most other things) began.