Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Living it up on a Saturday night

Just spotted this in the local newspaper. Am very excited, obviously...

In case you can't make out the writing the venue is Llay United Youth Football Club, and features 'some of the world's quckest and funniest snails'. Unfortunately it neglects to give a time but I intend to be there, camera to hand.


Anonymous Anonymous said...


That reminds me of the good old days, here in Melbourne Australia.

On Melbourne Cup day we used to host a party and have a snail race.

We used to paint numbers on the backs of the snails with white-out and place them all in the middle of a circular board made out of glass or plastic which had been dampened with water. The first snail to fall off an edge was the winner.

For days afterwards we would find numbered snails cruising around the garden.

It was a very popular race and someone kept a book for the bets.


Wed Feb 22, 12:13:00 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And the new 101-word competition is anything with the title "Tippex through the Tulips". Incidentally, there's an article in the Chester Chronicle this week about the main garden pests that's illustrated with a fine, and if I'm not mistaken, identical, picture of a snail. A little footage goes a long way, obviously. So unlike writers of fiction!

Wed Feb 22, 01:03:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anne: That sounds good! Just received an email from the organiser - and very keen now to see how Welsh and Australian snail races compare and shall report back.

Apparently kick off (or slither off) is 7.30pm at the Welfare Insitute (Llay used to have a big mining community).

Adrian: 'Tippex through the Tulips' - pretty funny and thanks for the information on the snail pictures. Perhaps it's a fiendishly clever advertisment campaign by makers of slug pellets.

Wed Feb 22, 03:54:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tippex Throught the Tulips
He found enlightenment easy. Not Nirvana’s nightmare: true enlightenment. Peaceful acceptance. Lifted from the soil, he acquiesced. The smelly brushing puzzled briefly. Placed on a smooth surface, he found the way ahead blocked so looked around: white markings on his shell.
“Race.” said his neighbour.
“Is that so?”
“To the edge.”
“Is that so?”
“Markings different.”
“Is that so?”
“Mine’s better’n yours.”
“Is that- I don’t think so!”
The block lifted: he raced away. Triumphantly reaching the edge, he fell to earth. Righting himself, he saw a tulip, the perfect restorative. A slug meandered before him.
“Out of my damned way!”

Wed Feb 22, 08:57:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tippex Through the Tulips.

Start-line. Several snails. Snow-paint streaked shells. She's stamped sixty six. Some snails shoving sideways. Shrewd strategy. Sly shysters.

Start! Some sprinting swiftly. (Semi swiftly!) Small stallions. (Similar.) Some staying. Slowly suffices.

She slides. Slithering speedily. She's second. Slipstreaming. Stalking. Speed swelling.

Sneaky sabotage. Several spreading slime. Shedding slime shipments. Shovelling slime shamelessly. Scheming scumbags. Swine!

She's saturated. Sticks. Stays stable. Sassy snail. Shows savvy. Slime slackens. She sprints sideways. Safety?

Sh*t! Swindlers! Solidity shrivels. Soaring straight-down. Smash! Soil sprawled. Sedum. Sweet scent. Smells sickly.

Strident shouts. Spectators. Shrieking soul sisters. Sizeable sunhats. Short skirts. Sloshed? Sure! Shiraz? Shhhhertainly! Southerners! She sleeps.

Fri Feb 24, 02:49:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ghez Hu: Thank you. Stunningly skilful uSe of 'S' - spectacular sibilance and stupendous similes (well metaphors, really I guess but they don't start wwith s).

Fri Feb 24, 09:28:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So did you go?

And was it fun?

Wed Mar 01, 01:01:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No, I'm afraid I got stuck into my book, forgot the time and missed it. Very annoying. Bet it was brilliant.

Wed Mar 01, 11:19:00 pm  

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