Dr. Grump has a go at plots
I have decided to write another novel, so Dr. Grump, being rather under-occupied this holiday, has decided to 'help me out' by suggesting a few plots she considers to be guaranteed best sellers. Each one is clearly a gem, so my only problem is deciding on which one to choose. Any advice gratefully accepted.
Plot 1: Sheepish Outcomes.
Ivor's son has a strange laugh. He has also got very thick blond hair that the barber has to remove like a pelt. Eileen, a geneticist, loves Ivor and is about to marry him but then a colleague comes to her with devastating news. Ivor's son is part sheep. His mother was the offspring of a genetic experiment involving a sheep as a surrogate mother, and during the gestation period some of the sheep's genetic material passed through the placenta and entered the boy's cells. Unfortunately, Eileen has a fatal allergy to any meat apart from mutton, and also has a rare blood condition requiring a constant supply of red meat. Should she marry Ivor? Should she confess that her mother ate Ivor's son's mother's thigh? And what should they have for dinner?
Plot 2: Bad Blood.
St Ursula's Old People's Home for the criminally insane is desperate for staff. The pensioners are generally challenging to look after. Carers last for less than a fortnight. Pauline, the matron, is at her wit's end until Martin, a gentle man of considerable charm, strength and patience is taken on to help around the garden. Immediately the pensioners are calmed by his presence. Pauline is about to go to a hospital to donate a kidney to a sister (who will die without it) leaving Martin in charge, but then she receives a report from a Private Detective with some devastating news. Martin is a reformed killer. A few months ago he converted to Christianity because of the influence of a charismatic minister, but the detective has uncovered evidence that he has now converted back to Vampire worship. Should Pauline leave the home in Martin's charge? Should she tell him of the hepatitis outbreak a couple of years ago that means that the blood products of most of the residents will still be infectious? And should she insist on the removal of the altar-mounted barbecue feature in the garden?
Plot 3: Memory Loss.
Professor Smythers, renowned climate scientist, is on the cusp of something big that will harmlessly reverse the effects of global warming. However, dementia is threatening his memory, and the only thing that can save him are stem cells from his own offspring. Unfortunately, Sally, his wife of forty-three years, is too old to have children and their only son is estranged, having become a fascist dictator in a remote Himalayan princedom. He has sworn he will never speak to them again unless they accept his philosophies of white racial superiority and controlled genocide. One of Professor Smythers' colleagues claims to have come up with a treatment for Sally which will help her regain her fertility but it comes at a huge risk - she could become as hairy as a gorilla. Should she go for it? Or should the Smythers join his son's new National Socialist party? Or should she allow Luscious Tracy of Basingstoke to do the honours with a turkey baster?