Unfortunately...

...despite everything, I can't stop writing. It is a neurological disorder: Compulsive Keyboard Obsession. I have been talking to Dr Grump (whose first degree was in Human Psychology) and she says that if I had any other sort of neurosis she would recommend that I fight it but in the case of CKO the best thing to do is to go along with it. At the University of Uurm they have found no successful treatment. Distraction, cognitative behavioural therapy and meditative practices merely serve to worsen the symptoms.

'Well you've not been much help,' I told her, looking up briefly from my keyboard.
'Sorry,' she said, 'but you do know...'
'What?'
'Well...'
'Out with it, woman!'
She tapped her notebook with her pencil, frowned and crossed one long leg over the other. 'It's usually terminal.'
'How?'
She glanced at the picture of Hemingway above her desk: 'Sometimes with a shot gun.'

Author's note: This is just my attempt at black humour. It is not a cry for help.