Friday, January 26, 2007

How Did Hodmandod Senior Manage To Grow Up?

Tonight Hodmandod Senior discovered that if you switch on a hand blender in a bowl of water it is possible to pick up objects of limited weight. This, he decided was due to the blender causing some sort of up draught of water.

I pointed out that since the blender was half submerged in water and attached to the mains that this was a dangerous activity and he should desist at once.

'But soup probably conducts electricity more than water and you use it for that.'

I agreed that he was probably right (as usual).

'Anyway,' he said, 'I've had a couple of shocks from the mains before, and it's not that bad.'


I have known Hodmandod Senior for more than half my long life now and I hadn't heard this one before. I already know about his mother dropping a pair of scissors on his head and the blade implanting itself in his cranium; the time he made (and exploded) nitroglycerine in his garden shed; and the incident with a pulley over a tree in which he managed to knock himself out and has never properly recovered his sense of smell. But tonight I found out that he once waggled wires around in a mains socket and apart from all the muscles in his body becoming weirdly stiff (presumably in a spasm) he also saw lights (and maybe his life) flash before his eyes.

I listed his lives on the fingers of my hand and asked him if there was anything else I should know about.

'Well there was the time I got squeezed some gunpowder between two bolts and it exploded in my hands...' he said.

'How did you make it to adulthood?' I said, as I always do.

He shrugged and smiled. If, like a cat, a Hodmandod has nine lives Hodmandod Senior has only three left.


Blogger Kay Cooke said...

I'd be looking at that insurance! I know what it's like to live with someone who is 'usually right.' But ABM is pretty cautious and safety conscious - sometimes to the point of irritation. Like before we go out, checking again if the heater's been turned off.(Or even returning across town and back, just to check.) Ah ... don't you just love 'em!?

Fri Jan 26, 09:36:00 pm  
Blogger Susan said...

A very admirable gentleman, I would say - a warrior, not a worrier, but still sensible enough to survive. I was thrilled to see even that blurry picture, Clare! I think it's the same jacket we saw on his shadow...

Sat Jan 27, 06:14:00 am  
Blogger Anne S said...

B had a similarly dangerous childhood, but he survived. A friend has described him as a lightning rod for trouble.

I remember my brothers had a sawn off air rifle and used to shoot it in the garage without parental knowledge of either this activity or the rifle. One of them shot himself in the finger and lied about it afterwards. Mother never found out. I dare say she would have freaked out if she'd known.

Sat Jan 27, 09:39:00 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Judging by Chrestomanci, three lives are probably enough. Just make sure you put at least one in a safe place.

Sat Jan 27, 02:24:00 pm  
Blogger Jan said...

Mr Hommandod has always struck me as a very mature gentleman.

Sat Jan 27, 04:01:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've used up a good few of mine along the way, Clare, but not quite in such an inventive way as H Sr. Very amusing (in a ghastly kind of way!)

(JBS Haldane did lots of experiments on himself which would have been lethal had he not done his calcuations right -- I guess it is part of an honourable scientific tradition?)

Sat Jan 27, 05:59:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Clare, have you started to imagine what retirement years may be like for the both of you?

Sat Jan 27, 08:30:00 pm  
Blogger Tammy Brierly said...

I would be VERY nervous ;)

Sat Jan 27, 09:15:00 pm  
Blogger Susan said...

Retirement will be a joy! Clare will never be bored.

Sat Jan 27, 09:21:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

CB: Ah yes, insurance. I need to look into this:)

Susan: that is his working fleece - labelled such because of the soldering holes. Underneath this are several layers of jumpers because it is cold in his den. He seems to like it out there though.

AnneS: Amazing how many do survive really, isn't it? I used to love climbing trees until I fell out of a high one. Of course I couldn't tell anyone, I just had to walk around for days pretending it didn't hurt whenever I moved.

Marly: Am I being very ignorant here or is Chrestomanci your cat? Great name BTW - has a certain caché.

Jan: Mr Hodmandod says he is very mature. Yes, he's a very old snail, but he still loves to play.

Maxine: Thank you -that's set me off thinking along another track - taking risks...who does, who doesn't and does it mean anything? I think maybe it does.

CFR and Susan: yes looking forward to retirement very much - except I don't think either of us intend to ever retire if we can help it.

Tammy: Yes, I am a bit - I'm just hoping he's calming down a bit now.

Mon Jan 29, 10:59:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What I couldn't do with four or five of such men.

Fri Feb 02, 03:11:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Scott: Yes, especially as he already has the hat.

Fri Feb 02, 05:28:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What others are content to call stupid, Clare, i prefer to see as heroic.

Sat Feb 03, 11:33:00 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Even if it actually is simply stupid?

Sat Feb 03, 11:34:00 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

All the more reason. That's the difference between you and i un a nutshell, Amundsenson.

Sat Feb 03, 11:35:00 am  

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