Thursday, September 24, 2009

Absent Hands

It is an unfortunate side-effect of our genes that sometimes one person you love reminds you overwhelmingly of another. Four years ago there were times I'd stumble around, and sometimes at the end of the corridor I'd encounter my younger son's hand. In the haze of those days I'd confuse it, just for a few seconds, with my brother's. They had the same build, the same yielding nature, and sometimes being a big sister feels very much like being a mother.

But now Hodmandod Minor is going off to university, and of course I'm glad for him, but in a way it seems like there's two people leaving, not just one.

He'll be back, I keep telling myself, in a couple of weeks...and I know he'll love it, but selfishly I wish he were not going at all.


Blogger pierre l said...

When my sons were younger, I used to worry until they got home each evening. Then the oldest went off to Bristol University, and I realised that I didn't even know when he was home each evening.
But it is a big change when they start leaving the nest. Still, you've got China to look forward to.

Thu Sep 24, 08:14:00 pm  
Blogger Clare Dudman said...

Exactly, Pierre, in some ways it is a relief - I've found that with my elder son. Now that he lives away from home (he graduated three years ago) I don't worry about when he comes home - but as soon as he comes back for the weekend and he goes out to meet his friends I worry until he is back again. Ridiculous.

And yes, China is a good distraction.

Thu Sep 24, 08:23:00 pm  
Blogger Caroline said...

You've made me sob, really sob x

Thu Sep 24, 09:38:00 pm  
Blogger Clare Dudman said...

I'm sorry, Caroline! It is such a wrench when they go - of course we all know, and want it to happen, but regret that it does all the same. Ugh.

Thu Sep 24, 09:49:00 pm  
Anonymous Mary said...

Oh, Clare, I know just how you feel. We sent our eldest off to college this year. The separation hasn't been as wrenching this time 'round because he finished his final year of high school at a school away from home. We were bereft his first 2 months away. Now, at least, we can keep up with him using Facebook chat.

Not sure how we're going to take it when the last one leaves.

Fri Sep 25, 04:33:00 am  
Blogger Clare Dudman said...

Yes, Mary - this is it - the second one of mine going. I know he'll be back, but I also know it won't be the same when he is. It would be stupid not to want this to happen (but still I don't!). I've been trying not to think about it - but now it's looming and I just want it over with.

Fri Sep 25, 07:08:00 am  
Blogger Jan said...

Lots of love Clare X

Fri Sep 25, 09:24:00 am  
Blogger Clare Dudman said...

Thanks Jan! I know you know exactly what this is like!

Fri Sep 25, 09:39:00 am  
Anonymous marly said...

That is precisely how I felt about my daughter's blonde curly hair when she was small--it was so exactly like another's, gone.

She will be no. 2 to flit from the next come next fall, so you give me a little premonitory ache.

Fri Sep 25, 03:12:00 pm  

Post a Comment

Comments are subject to moderation.

<< Home