Saturday, February 10, 2007

A Serious Theft

The Chester Chronicle reported a very serious theft in its edition yesterday. Apparently an essential consignment for a Chester shop was stolen from a vehicle parked in Liverpool on Tuesday night. The £2 000 haul consisted of '36 rampant rabbits, 18 tubs of chocolate body paint and a dozen blow up dolls' and was taken around 6.30pm. It is believed that the thieves escaped in a van.

Mr Prescott, proprieter of the shop 'Nice 'n' Naughty' is so anxious to replace stock before Valentine's Day next week that he has been considering chartering a flight from Amsterdam (the location of his suppliers).

'We are committed to our customers and I will ensure these shelves are filled as soon as possible. We will make sure we do not let anyone down.'

Trade must be good because Mr Prescott is willing to offer a reward of £500 for any information that could help recover the stock. The number to call is +44 (0)870 7427261


Anonymous marly said...

How big is a tub, I wonder?
Rampant rabbits...

It has been a long time since I was in Chester, but back then it had a genteel air, and only the old buildings seemed crooked.

Ah, I see. The thieves were from Liverpool. Surely such a thing would never happen in Chester.

Sat Feb 10, 02:21:00 pm  
Anonymous Lisa Guidarini said...

Hello, Claire,

Sorry to use the comment section but I can't quite find an email link. I'm technically challenged!

I'm a freelance writer/blogger/member of the National Book Critics Circle. I wonder if I could send you a few interview questions via email? I'd love to feature you where I blog and publish. I often feature authors here: and here:, plus various webzines, etc.

If you'd agree to answer a few questions that would be lovely!
Thanks for considering my request.

Lisa Guidarini

Sat Feb 10, 05:18:00 pm  
Anonymous Susan said...

Mr. Prescott knows the validity of the old saying "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade". He may have lost a bit of merchandise but he's getting a lot of valuable media exposure. He couldn't pay for all that advertising! Now we all know where to shop when we visit Chester.

Sat Feb 10, 09:08:00 pm  
Blogger Jeremy said...

It's a sad tale- St. Valentine's day in Chester with too few blow up dolls to go around. They'll have to make do with giving boring old flowers to their loved ones there, the poor dears.

Sat Feb 10, 11:39:00 pm  
Blogger twitches said...

Everyone knows you need at least twenty tubs of chocolate body paint to dip twelve inflatable dolls - a lot of it drips off when you roll them in the chopped nuts. And they totally forgot the giant marshmallows to stuff in their mouths! Amateurs.

Sun Feb 11, 03:06:00 am  
Blogger Tom P. said...

When I saw the title of your blog entry I thought for sure you would be discussing the theft from Jeffrey Archer's backyard. After all, anything bad for Lord Archer must be bad for England.

Sun Feb 11, 04:43:00 am  
Blogger Jan said...

Any clues as to culprits, Clare?!

Sun Feb 11, 10:23:00 am  
Anonymous Clare said...

Marly: The tubs are quite small. I bought one for my ex-sister-in-law for Christmas once from BHS (British Home Stores - a middle of the road sort of store). It had a brush attached - which I remember thinking was quite odd at the time because it seems an inefficent way of applying it to toast. I didn't give it to her in the end because I was feeling hungry one night and ate the lot...with a spoon.

Susan: Yes, I suppose he has had some publicity - but then I think page 9 of the local weekly paper and my blog aren't going to make a huge difference to never know, though, I suppose.

Jeremy: Yes, no doubt many evenings will be spoilt...though does anyone really say 'I love you' with a blow-up doll...or a rampant rabbit? Aren't they features can I put this...solitary tendencies?

Twitches: Exactly! They have clearly not worked out the logistics...Excellent point.

Tom P: Lord Archer! How dare you sully the comment box of my blog in this manner:) Rampant rabbits are one thing but Lord Archer really drags it down to undesirable depths. Oh, I feel so grimy now.

Jan: I think we ought to go to Liverpool and look out for signs...

Sun Feb 11, 01:21:00 pm  
Anonymous crimeficreader said...

My next door neighbour "takes the rabbit in" near dusk, due to plumeting temps, I assume.

But, oh, these rabbits seek to move temps in the other direction, I think...

Oops! Add some chilli to said (well-stewed by now) rabbit then retire to a sofa.


(I got it off the BBC's Good Food page, I jest.)

As for blow-ups, are you talking digital enhancement or balloons?

Poor man, he's got it bad. All of it.

Sun Feb 11, 11:11:00 pm  
Blogger chiefbiscuit said...

SO funny!!! Life is great isn't it the way it can surrender such strange and wonderfully funny incidents? There is nothing funnier than real life ... no matter how many funny books and shows one reads and watches.

Mon Feb 12, 12:36:00 am  
Blogger marlyat2 said...


You ate the whole tub? The whole small tub, of course. (I wonder what the unfortunate sister-in-law received in its place.) That's the funniest thing of all--not what I was expecting.

Confession: I did order the Unadilla Chocolate Mudslide for dessert this evening...

Mon Feb 12, 02:26:00 am  
Blogger Lee said...

OK, I've heard about rampant lions, but rabbits...

Mon Feb 12, 11:44:00 am  
Blogger Mme sensOtheque said...

Some Hercule Poirot down here ;-)

Mon Feb 12, 03:10:00 pm  
Anonymous Clare said...

CFR: Heh - now these I think Mme SensOseque is right, I should let Hercule explain before he starts his investigation
and Lee: he can explain why they are so rampant too, the stolen items no doubt growing exponentially in number as rampant rabbits tend to do.
CB: yes, I agree - nothing stranger or funnier than fact
And Marly - don't know what 'the Unadilla Chocolate Mudslide' is, but it sounds delicious.

Tue Feb 13, 08:20:00 am  
Anonymous Down Under said...

How would you use rampant rabbits anyway? The same way as pubic hares?

Tue Feb 13, 02:44:00 pm  
Anonymous Clare said...

Heh. Just had a word with Dr Grump and she says any way you like but watch out for myxomatosis.

Tue Feb 13, 07:12:00 pm  

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